March 2021 – Thought Vacations

Slowing down

Recently it has been a bit of a roller coaster realising the power of the mind and that meditation actually changes something in your every day (after years of practice…). I am taking a conscious choice to just slow down and persist. Not get lost in any conciet that arises (and it does arise).

I’ve been feeling very calm recently as well as laser-like. So I think I will try to foster that calm some more. A quiet burn that hopefully will help me in my practice.

The act of reflecting on a day’s practice has been so beneficial to me to just track where I am. To see how I move around from pleasant practice to boredom sits to impatience on the cushion. Just highlights the utter changing nature of experience meditating. Helps me not grasp knowing it will fade really. Helps not to expect anything. This good stage I’m at will come and go.

Saying these ‘sage’-sounding words, makes me think of some of the hypocracy. In this stage I sort of want it to be over so I can get on with the meditation progress. There’s still that ‘what’s next’ and ‘what’s more’. I think ‘why did that night of sleep make me tired & drowsy while sitting? how can I avoid that?’ instead of acceptance of the present as well as the bigger picture of where I’m at.

I just really hope that I keep up meditation when the going gets rough. When the bliss wears out and the laundry calls, keep sitting. Keep at it.

Zafu Evangelist

I was reading Daniel Ingram’s Mastering The Core Teachings of the Buddha, in it it talks about a phase of a person’s meditation practice where they are quite fervant. They seem to think they have struck gold and think “Why doesn’t everyone meditate?”. They may mention to friends how blissed out their experiences are on the cushion in an effort to get them to meditate.

The fact is that I have an element of faith about where this is heading. Where meditation leads you. My aim isn’t to relieve stress or get better sleep. I respect and understand those aims but I think meditation can offer something far deeper once you do relieve that stress and get better sleep.

I feel reassured that more and more people are meditating even if it is using apps. I feel disapointed when I realise that the sort of meditator I am, is actually few and far between*. I feel worry about the comercialisation of mindfulness. I feel hope that more and more research is being done on effects of mindfulness & meditation.

It’s a mixed bag.

So I think I’ll reign it in, stop mentioning meditation when catching up with friends. Just walk the walk and sit on it (get it? do walking meditation then sit on the cushion to meditate… I feel you rolling your eyes).

*This may come across as pretentious. Me as a person who does unguided meditation that follows a vipassana or similar framework. I make no claims of being above anyone spiritually. I do support an element of pragmatism and secularism when it comes to meditation too, no need for dogma or religion.

Asking why on the cushion. Meditation Collection #1

I sit on the cushion,
I itch and twitch.
I say ‘itching’ and ‘twitching’,
To remind myself of what is.

I sit on the cushion,
I say ‘itching’,
Feel the itch,
My mind on the itch.

“Is there a mite on my face,
Crawling and making me itch?”
I say ‘wanting’,
I watch the desire to itch and scratch.

“Why is my face itching.
What could it be?”
I say ‘thinking’,
And leave it at the sense door.

“Why?”,
‘thinking’,
“But why?”,
‘thinking’.

The mindful mind is indiscriminate,
Just noticing the sensation.
There is no story to tell,
Just experiences to note.

I sit and I sit and I sit and I sit,
I itch and I note and I think and I note,
I remember the breath,
And I smile.

Three Marks

Some people say that some things

never change,

some things

feel satisfying,

and some things are

part of me.

They say that life is solid and real. That we can find happiness in the world.

Other people say that everything

is impermenant,

everything is

unsatisfying

and that both everything and nothing is

me.

They say that what we say as real, is as real as you perceive it. That we can find happiness within ourselves.

What do you think?

Sonnet 116 by Shakespeare and an AI

Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove.
Love is not love which would change a man’s mind,
And make him alter his nature to suit you.
Love is not love that would make one man your slave,
And another master of you.
Love’s not Time’s fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle’s compass come;
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
Love is not a god that will save us from our fate,
When we are dead or dying.

AI in italics, Shakespeare in roman.

GPT-3 & Me: His Music

Back in November 2020 I participated in NaNoWriMo – National Novel Writing Month – with a co-author. My co-author was a little strange because they were an AI. There is a sophisticated language AI that can use your writing and try to continue what may be next. I would go back and forth between the AI a few sentences at a time crafting a story. I used the website AI Dungeon (https://play.aidungeon.io/main/home). The AI it uses is called GPT-3 (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/GPT-3).

So I thought I would upload my chapters here on my blog as I don’t think I’ll publish them anytime soon. To start us off I will post one here which I made today with the AI. One thing you’ll notice is that it can be a bit rough sometimes with repetition and my writing is not all that good. As a rule of thumb I try not to edit what AI spits out too much if I don’t like it I sometimes regenerate.

His Music by Tom & GPT-3

It was the little things which helped Tom go through his day. The coffee in the morning, the sunlight on his face, the smell of freshly baked bread and fresh flowers outside his window.

He had a wonderful wife who loved him very much. He had two beautiful children that he adored more than anything else in this world. Yet he felt that his family unfortunately held him back from doing what he truly wanted. Maybe he just needed to communicate better and he could live with both his family and his passion for music. Maybe it would be best if he went back home…or maybe not.

He didn’t know yet. So he stood there. Looking out to the open road. The path to new places, people and experiences. A wind blew towards him. He took in a deep breath and exhaled. His choice was made.

It was a difficult choice but he felt more sure as he gazed at the horizon. He would leave this all behind. His wife and two children, his house, his piano. His life here was over and a brand new one would now begin. Or so he thought.

When he got home, he saw his children, his wife and realised that he could not possibly leave them. The passion for music still burned in him, but his love for his family was even stronger. So he spent the rest of his life with them and found happiness in that.

He sat at his piano, as his children were chatting with their mother. He played a simple tune for his family. He always did love them more than music. They were his music