April 2021 – Thought Vacations

That thing you have to do

Oh that think you have to do.
You know the one…

That book you have to read,
the piano you have to learn,
the meditation you have to sit,
the meal you have to cook,
the language you have to learn.

To self improve is a struggle,
in which you have
that thing you have to do.

You may have your ideal self,
there within reach,
if only you had that skill,
were more learned,
had that something.

An ache
to be something more.

However it’s a shudder,
a piercing impatience held,
rattling in your mind.
Carving out that time for
that thing you have to do.

“Oh it’s worth it,”
you say to yourself.
“I will be better,
it will get better,
it has to!
I’ll learn to love it,
get that skill.
I just have to keep at it.”

But for now, it’s
that thing you have to do.

Walking slow

I used to hate the rush hour when commuting on London’s tubes. It wasn’t being cramped as such, I’m fine with personal space invasions to a point. It was the *rush* – people having to push to get off at their stop. Worse still, people bustling others for a chance to catch that next train. Is there a sort of selfishness in their self-serving rush and rampant overtaking? I do wonder that in fury when I’m in a mood. Do they really need to cut those few seconds in your speed-walk? I suppose they might really do, or they could wake up 15 minutes earlier.

I plod a long, a stone in the current, people passing by. I may be in the way when I stop to look for directions. I try to practice not judging the rushers, the hustlers and the busters. Let them pass, but I’ll pass on being caught up with them.

But I often do; the train is departing! I am so close, if I just pick up the pace and dodge that woman I could make it! The stress is just not worth it. I don’t feel a sense of achievement if I do make it, only the sweat trapped in my shirt and the guilt of having got in the way or abandoned my sense of calm. If I don’t… well I am disappointed and effort is wasted.

Don’t have to face any of these dilemmas now. Interesting to reflect on those moments, now they are over a year old. So long commutes, if they return I hope I can face them with a bit of equanimity.

Up: the sky

Up: the sky.
Down: the earth.
Left: a tree.
Right: a friend.
Back: the bench.
Front: the grass.

Up: the ceiling.
Down: feet.
Left: a window.
Right: a wall.
Back: a shelf.
Front: a laptop.

Up: wood.
Down: plush.
Left: wood.
Right: wood.
Back: wood.
Front: wood.

First name basis

Morning Burt, how are the roses?
Hey Claire, you okay?
Hi Lily, congratulations!
Hello Mr. Williams, your tea is ready.

Shelly! Not in the house!
Izzy, can you not?
Ruben, feet off couch.
Chris, not now.

I love you, Phil!
You’re so kind, Alex.
My pleasure, Ash.
Thank you, Hank!

That’s a great point, Jade.
Couldn’t have said it better, Rory!
I agree with you there, Tom.
Exactly, Connor! Exactly!

You insist upon hurting me, Ollie.
Ravi. It affects me too, you know!
The audacity, Cam, the audacity!
Jesse… at least say goodbye!

I’ll be leaving now Mr. Williams, goodbye.
See you Lily, thanks again!
Bye Claire. You know where to find me.
Evening Burt. See you tomorrow.

Reminder to self

I walk to get there,
I work to buy that,
I watch to learn this,
I work out to date them.

I go there to be on time,
I buy that to have fun,
I learn this to feel smarter,
I date to have children.

Everything done should have purpose,
Everything done should have aim,
Everything done should be productive,
Everything done has a point.

I walk just to walk,
I work just to work,
I watch just to watch,
I work out just to work out.

I go there because I am going there.
I buy that because I am buying that.
I learn this because I am learning this.
I date because I am dating.

Somethings done can be done with no purpose in mind,
Somethings done can have no aim,
Somethings done don’t have to be productive or efficient,
Somethings done have no point and don’t have to have one.

How does anything get done with those somethings?

how to iambic

A game, a play, how fun. Invite me? Yes please!
Of games; my brain follows quite slow, no yes!
Wander to sleep, wonder to wake, yes no.
No trust, all sus. Beware! Go out, careful.
A form my eyes do see. A ghost, I fear.

Right there, it looks and feels like a willow,
But it does move and sway like the ocean.
There is no right, no wrong, in the word game.
Beauty, allure, glamor, polish, critique.

This is a site for my verbal vomit,
No one must read, some one might read, no bother!
I let my brain seep out onto this post.
Practice practice practice practice practice.

This did once start as utter nonsense, but now;
I do edit, to fit a metric line.
Tis fun, tis fun, enjoy I do. But really:
I just sound less Shakespeare, more Yoda.

Haiku Collection #1

Sitting on the couch,
I sip tea, turn to my friend,
I say “This is nice”

The bell rings out: “bong”,
I smile and stretch my legs out.
Meditation done.

Alarm rings aloud,
Says: wake up, wake up, wake up.
I drift back to sleep.

Oh! I remember,
This moment, to be here now.
Now: rising, falling

Mindfully I chop,
I stretch and bang my head: “SHIT!”
Not so holy now…

Who is the witness?
Who experiences this?
Who does not know? Me!

Lost in thought, theory…
Never meditating then…
Only reading lots.

Hmm, am I manic?
Or am I progressing well?
Neither, both, be mindful.

I write these poems,
Always aware of my pride,
Squash it, kill it, splat!

Squash it, kill it, splat!
Stop that thought, stop this thought… No!
Let it be and go.

Blink, swallow, tingle,
taste, smell, see, hear, feel, think, fart,
itch, sting, tense, sit, twitch.

I relax the frown,
My mind shoots out and expands,
No frown, no problem 🙂

I write haikus late.
I dig early morning vibes,
Helps loose the filter.

I will end it here,
Good bye, au revoir, ciao, peace!
Good bye-ku hai-ku.