Thought Vacations

WordPress has a feature to schedule your posts in advance. I am making full use of this feature. This post, in fact, was written a week ago. I aim to have a post a day, topping up the schedule every few weeks. I have a backlog of personal writing which I pull from. That will run out eventually. So we have this here filler post. This post basically says nothing of value except the info that you’ll get regular posts (for sure).

I am diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder. I’ve been psychosis free for 3 years. So safe to say I don’t have a chronic case. But I am susceptible to future psychosis in times of stress or after mind altering drug use.

Sometimes I look to the future and get a bit scared. Each time I have had psychosis it gets a little worse. First lasted a few days, second a week and the third and latest was two whole months. I worry that the next will be big and it will be bad.

The psychosis is delusional. No hallucinations or hearing voices. Flight of ideas & beliefs held not based in the accepted reality which most of us live in. The first two episodes were paranoid and dark in content. The third was manic. It was a pretty good time in places. Life was magical and I was often euphoric. But it is completely destabilising to your psyche and it interrupts your life. You cannot get anything done. It scares the people around you and breaks the hearts of those closest to you. There is a communication barrier, they won’t get your ideas, and you will find their world dull and boring.

So I do my best in the time I have sane to boost my mental health. I have a firm support group with my friends and family and I practice meditation and mindfulness.

On the internet the rate of remission for schizophrenia that is floating around is around 36%. I’m not even sure what that rate means. There’s a high chance that I’ll have an episode again in my life time. Is it inevitable? Not sure. I’ll keep you updated.