Poetry

popcorn on the kitchen floor

crouch down

pop it in the mouth

To be still, one must balance,
To balance, one must move,
Stillness in motion.

Small moments
little things
kind words
small smiles
meeting eyes
hands held
lips locked
toes wiggled
open windows

I am not a bad person,
Who decides a bad person?

I don’t care what you think ordinarily,
But you think me a bad person,
And I care if you think that.

Our egos are balloons that float above our heads,
And we drag our baggage,
those canisters of helium,
behind us.

I made a small action,
Which makes me feel a villain,
My balloon deflates, falls,
I am a bad person.

I identify as a good person,
I need that validation.

“At my core I was always rotten”

A few days pass,
I find some more helium,
My balloon floats again.

“At my core I was always clean”

I say,
To hell with the balloon,
Let it fall, let it float,
Let it go.

Hell with the balloon,
But

it’ll always be there until my dying day.

how can i be present
when i can’t accept

how can i be kind
when i can’t love

how can i be at peace
when i am not here

how can i not
when i am

how can i
when i am

how i
when i

i
i

No, don’t say that.
That’s not what I want.
I brought up this, you should bring that.
You don’t look like you are here,
Your mind is still elsewhere

Put down your phone.
Be with me here.
See me.
Hear me.
Tell me you’re here.

I stutter, I splutter, I mish mash my words.
I fumble, I stumble, I spit out a mess.

How can any understand me.

I think, I flop, I race in my head.
I splish, I splosh, I cry and I weep.
I fart, I moan, I distract myself.
How can I ever know me.

Put down your phone,
And listen to me.

Put down your self,
And listen to me.

I’ll put down myself,
And listen to you.

I’m sorry I shouted,
I’ll listen to you.
If you’ll listen to me.

Oh don’t worry,
I was just being silly.
Just talking to myself.
Just alone with my words.

If I spent less I could do this,
I could do that,
If I spent less I could spend more (later).

If I spent less I would want less,
I would want better,
I would want less.

If I want less, I would spend less,
I would want less,
I would want better.

If I don’t worry, I feel better,
If I feel better, I wouldn’t spend,
If I worry, I will spend less,
If I worry, I will suffer more,

If I feel better, I would spend less,
If I spend less, I would be better.

If I write poems, I would think clearer,
If I think clearer, I would spend less.

I have an obsession about not being seen,
I have an obsession that I don’t need you,
To read my words. To read them here.

I have an obsession to write and to write, to put it all here.
I have an obsession to not care for hits,
Hits on a site, hits on a video, hits for self-esteem.

I have an obsession to write it down Quick,
I have an obsession to not really Care,
I have an obsession to not give much thought,
I have an obsession to be an anti-pErfecTioniist.

To come from the heart is to not be erased,
To come from the soul is to not be cut up,
For me to be true is to not play by rules,
Rules like rhyming, rhythm or verse.

Just to be true. Just to be true. Just to be true.
Let it flow, let it flow, out of your mind.
Let it flow, let it flow, into the void.
Onto the screen, and saved away publicly safe.

There’s something more,
Than this,
There’s that,
That – which is not,
But could be still?

There’s something more,
It doesn’t exist,
Only in thought,
There is no more,
This is just now (this) (this) (this) (this) and (this).

Better is thought,
Better is judging,
Better is denial,
Better is deluded.

This is real,
This sight,
This sound,
This feeling,
This taste,
This smell,
This touch,
This thought?
Well the thinking happens,
But the thought isn’t real.

I speak as if I know it all,
But it’s not so.
Because,
There’s something more.
I feel it deep,
I feel it here,
I feel it now,
Now could be more.
Now could be better.
If I were here, if I were now, if I were more.

Hum of dimmer,
Heaviness of eyelids,
Coolness of aluminium,
Breath at nostril,
Tension in face,
Tingle behind ears.

Fogginess in head,
Impatience of thoughts,
Thinking from mind,
Annoyance of thoughts,
Sneezing from nose,
Laugh from mouth.