Author: tom-collingwood

What’s my theme? Writers have themes. Yes I am a writer. And so are you. If you’ve ever written a text, a tweet, a post, a letter, a note, then you are a writer. Some writers have quite apparent themes. Murakami likes the theme of deep dark wells people can meditate in and dreams penetrating reality. Charlie Kaufman likes recursion and stories within stories. Kurt Vonnegut loves creating fictional religions and being anti-war. These are all men, sorry. But they are the first that spring to mind (that’s the problem!!!).

Writers evolve to find their themes. They try on a few suits. They like the fit sometimes, the style and they wear it out more. They tailor it now and again. Revamp it. Throw it out, start with a new one. Again. Male-centric. Women can wear suits? Switch it to unisex clothing (who are you to say what is unisex???).

Maybe its themes that fit my life. That are easy to write? Specifically easy for me to write. I don’t think path of least resistance is probably conducive to good writing. At first I wrote conjuicive there instead of conducive.

For me what could come easy is writing about psychosis, playing with ideas of eastern philosophy / religions, internet culture, odd-ball characters? Not sure. I’ll just have to keep writing until I strike thematic gold.

Could these streams be filmed and YouTubed? Perhaps! I’m not sure. Maybe if I play with the style – make it extra crazy. Maybe illustrate and animate it.

My stream of thoughts go on and on, why don’t my thoughts feel like anything? I can’t feel my brain think. When I get racing thought sometimes it feels like I get a headache. Maybe fast and frantic thoughts can cause pain. I don’t know. Who am I to write on a blog. An amateur. I don’t know what I’m doing. Just trying to type fast. All the greats apparently wrote physically with a pencil or pen – no modern typing. Apparently when you do automatic writing you have to use a pen and paper. You cannot get the same results typing. There’s something more visceral and sincere writing out on a paper. Something that connects your subconscious to write out whatever it lurking there. Does that even make sense? I don’t know. This isn’t automatic writing. Some people start writing using characters. Like they take on a personality of an archetype. Maybe a sage, a fool, a hero. Sorry I should explain what it is. Automatic writing happens when you start writing – well – automatically! You don’t think about what you’re writing – it just comes. Like channeling a spirit. Probably the same but the sources are more in question. Who is doing the writing. There’s a few books I have read that are automatically writing only there’s a certain claim about who was writing them. I won’t say here what they are. They were good! Maybe I should try. But I love typing. Why cannot a person automatically type? I could. I am! Am I? What archetype do I embody? Is there a quiz online that tells you your archetype. I wonder. This is cathartic. This is more like a diary entry. But I cannot – CANNOT – reveal personal details. This is public. Public.

I paused. I cannot pause to think. This must be a constant stream, a barrage of unfiltered thoughts – except for the filter that stops personal information. But I do select what I write, this isn’t exactly what is in my head.

I paused again! No! I must not. On and on I go, there is no end. The brain is never off. You cannot just turn yourself off. Oh no. You can. But let us not go there. Happier thoughts please!

I cannot end this stream here. It just got muddy. Let us clear the stream with magnificent thoughts. Thoughts that are worthy to read. Thoughts which will freshen up the mind and perk up the soul. That will fill you to the brim with positivity. Maybe that’s what is wrong with our culture. We feel we have to be happy all the time. That then makes us even sadder that we are not happy. We are allowed to be not happy. I tell you – yes YOU – that you are allowed to be sad sometimes. And – guess what? – you’re not alone. Some people really hide their pain. You can never just assume people are doing great. They smile but they weep inwardly. Tears that melt the brain.

It’s ok to be sad. But get help when you need it. It can be hard to know when you “need” it. Some people like to shrug off their feelings or bury them. Face them head on and feel your feelings. When does someone “need” help? Probably when it starts impacting your life. Or maybe not then, maybe before – catch yourself falling and then find support. Find friends, family or even call up the Samaritans. Maybe others can tell when you’re not “you” – they will know when you need help. Sometimes people can be mean and tell you to “man up” – that’s not good either. I don’t know. Why has this turned into mental health advice. I am not qualified! I am qualified in that I have had my fair share of mental illness, but not actually qualified.

This is good. A good stream. Full of twists and turns. Ups, downs, highs, lows. Platitudes and sayings. Verbal vomit. Word salad. Stream of consciousness. Out the words come. Out the words go. To you. Nameless one. The eyes scanning these words. These words are yours now. Nested in your memory. Maybe to recall – maybe to forget. Take them. Here!